The scale of opportunityPosted: 02/22/2011
More blog-searching today (and somehow this is a productive day at work) and I found a “trailing spouse” blog, albeit an expat* one. She doesn’t like the term trailing spouse either**, but her blog is endlessly positive:
As a trailing spouse, identity can be a tough thing (because if you’re like me, that last thing you want to be called is a “trailing spouse”). But if the career you had before isn’t going to work out abroad (or you lose yours via a layoff like me), maybe there’s something else you’d love to do and try. Maybe, in fact, this is your big opportunity for that something you used to put on hold.
I don’t want my opportunity, a positive thing, tinged with the fact that I only have it because it’s the consolation prize for having no control***. Here’s my internalized misogyny (it’s just popping up way too much this week) again, in that I can’t see my worth if I didn’t come to it myself, as if taking that opportunity is just backsliding into a dependent female role. I don’t, however, feel this way when it comes to education. If J was working and I was going back to school or taking classes in whatever field I settle on, that feels ok. But if it’s to start an Etsy or make Halloween costumes (traditionally female pursuits) it’s not. See what I did there? Thanks world. You’ve made me a woman-hater.
How do I cleanse my mind of these tendencies? I feel fucked all-around. And I haven’t even touched upon the stink of privilege in all this.
*I’m more interested in domestic relocation.
**Yeah, I changed my title again, because no one’s going to find this blog otherwise.
***I’m speaking for myself, not Chantal. She has her shit together.